first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
