it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
