I think I died a long time ago.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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