just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
