I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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