Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Someone shattered a urinal.
Houston, we have a squirter
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
