My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
