just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
