1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
