how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
ttyl tear gas
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
