You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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