he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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