Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
