Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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