i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
