I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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