small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
