they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
