I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just threw up on my dentist
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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