I'm so fucking centered right now
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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