This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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