You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
