Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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