I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
