The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
