And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
