Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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