the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
