dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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