i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
