Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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