I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
