So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize