I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
