I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
