I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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