i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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