____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's rum buckets o'clock
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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