I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
