please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
