I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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