I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
