You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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