Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
