does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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