k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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