Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
