I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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