why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
