even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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