you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
