You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
