Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
