She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
