I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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