is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
