im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
