U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
