You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
