My friends, they love my intelligence
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
