The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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