she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
