That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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