please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
