i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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