She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
