You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
